Time once more for hot cross buns. Like most of us, I’m all for them.
I can live without that song though.
Hot cross buns
Hot cross buns
One a penny, Two a penny
Hot cross buns
If you have no daughters, give them to your sons
One a penny, two a penny
Hot cross buns
I have a few issues with all of this.
Firstly, what’s with the pricing model?
Consider the baker here.
CUSTOMER: Good morning.
BAKER: Good morning Sir. What are you after today?
CUSTOMER: Do you sell hot cross buns at all?
BAKER: I do. Just made a fresh batch. Lovely.
CUSTOMER: How much are they?
BAKER: One a penny, two a penny
CUSTOMER: … One a penny, two a penny?
BAKER: Hot cross buns.
CUSTOMER: But that’s two prices you’ve just given me. Are they one for a penny or two?
BAKER: They’re one a penny, two a penny. Hot cross buns.
CUSTOMER: … I’m not sure what you’re playing at, moosh. How much are your date scones?
BAKER: Six five pennies, twelve five pennies. Date scones.
CUSTOMER: I’ll just go to Aldi.
Clearly the imaginary bakery in a children’s song should be utilising a more straightforward pricing model… Sure, provide a small discount on a larger amount if you like. Perhaps a card based reward scheme where you throw in a free loaf of bread every six orders. That’s fine.
But there must be some differentiation in cost between one and two identical items. No JB Hi Fi is advertising “One MacBook Pro $2000, Two MacBook Pro $2000”.
Secondly, I know we live in enlightened times and I for one am all for it. But
If you have no daughters give them to your sons
If you do have daughters then your sons go without presumably? Is that the deal? Left to starve? Or find scraps of old hot cross buns and discarded raisins behind the bin? Must we discriminate with our Easter based baked goods?
So time to update this dated classic.
HOT CROSS BUNS (Modernised):
Hot cross buns
Hot cross buns
One a penny, Two for two pennies
Or buy in a dozen and get two as a bonus; don’t forget your loyalty card and get a free loaf of bread every six purchases
Hot cross buns
If you have daughters and sons, distribute them equally,
in fact why specify at all, let them decide how they label themselves and get fed; baked good allocation based on gender shouldn’t come into it
One a penny, Two for two pennies
Or buy in a dozen and get two as a bonus; don’t forget your loyalty card and get a free loaf of bread every six purchases
Hot cross buns
If your kids are learning it on recorder, though, you’re clearly on your own.
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